Years 2002/03: Ages 16-17: Mourning the Child and Losing Oneself in Another

A period of time where I was engrossed in a dark and and co-dependant relationship, as well as making a recovery from its' end.

During this time there was no poetry written, but it was a time when I began to really write songs. Most of these songs were merely learning experiences rather than usable. However, here are the few that I have salvaged and am thinking of actually using along with my current material.

Somewhere Down Here

Somewhere Down Here/beneath the hidden stones/I'm watching you dance with the wind/encompassing your throne/and do I admit to my desire?/for my shame fuels the fire

Oh, I want a piece of you/I want a taste of wine and glamour/I am shattered somewhere down here

Somewhere down here/I'm cheated and alone/watching you as you're allowed/to be your age at home/and do I admit I want to go home/back where my heart wants to know

Oh, I want a piece of you/I wanted one more taste of childhood/better be good/Somewhere down here

Some people make you feel like/nothing more than a scrub on the sidewalk/and some people take for granted what they have and own/ and I can't see why/ but still, I feel stupid sometimes…

Somewhere down here/I'm dying to be heard/watching your red carpet grow/my own red carpet blurred/ and do I admit; sometimes I hate you/your troubles, I cannot relate to/

oh, I want a piece of you/I want a piece of you/ ‘cause I don't wanna be/Somewhere down here...

Farewell, My Dear, Good Luck

So this is it/I know I lost myself in you/I don't know why I even give a shit about you/and as you go I feel ripped apart/but I know it’s my own fault for giving you my heart/ I tried to take the consequences of your actions/I tried to sacrifice myself for your stupidity/I tried to make myself be like a saint/ but now: I am asking myself if I have gone insane

Go and take all you've brought/Go home and sit and rot/in all the hate you've got/hey, its' sad/’cause baby I have been blind/ and baby you were unkind/ the truth is; you’ve been outta line/all this time/ I'll always care somewhere in my heart/but I can't let you rip me apart/farewell, my dear, good luck

So, this is it now/all that love and hate behind me/after three years you don’t know anything about me/so strange to feel both devastated and relieved/left to pick up all the pieces of love once believed/no longer will your angry eyes burn into mine fixated/no longer will I be so damn underappreciated/no longer will I be Miss Therapist/and now/ now I ask myself/what the hell was this?

Go and take all you've brought/Go home and sit and rot/in all the hate you've got/hey, its' sad/and baby I have been blind/ and baby you were unkind/ the truth is; you’ve been outta line/all this time/ I'll always care somewhere in my heart/but I can't let you rip me apart/farewell/my dear, good luck

Ricochet

He left me all alone/my little wounded soul/and I saw you standing there/I didn't quite invite you in/but yet you gave me your heart and pulled up a chair/and out of the dark/we talked about art/we talked about love/and breaking apart/you were my new best friend

we squandered the time/we tasted the wine/we never thought such a friendship a crime/though ‘twas around the bend

and/ “I love you more than you know”/ is what I said with all the wine in me/and “oh, please say it isn't so”/ is what you said/and now you hide from me/you denied me

I love you half angry /and you're on my mind still/but no longer like that at all/those fantasies in my head came from transference/when you came to break my fall/you're insensitive/with nothing to give/why should I even be thinking; what if?/we both know it’s not meant to be?/wanting what you got/wanting what you're not/wanting what we know almost got to hot/’cause my memories still haunt me/you see

And /“I love you more than you know”/ is what I said with all the wine in me/and “oh, please say it isn't so”/ is what you said/and now you hide from me/you denied me

Inertia

I close my eyes/I’m now humming a tune/lost and confused/on a tuesday afternoon/I’m finding that I’m falling/yeah/I’m falling/yeah/I’m falling/yeah/I’m falling/yeah/and time’s passing me by too soon

Hiding behind walls I gotta break through/I’m stupi-fied/I don’t know what to do/around again/and ‘round again/and ‘round again/and round again/I’ll encircle this tiny room/only in my dreams do I escape this doom

In them I’d walk on the moon if I could/The imminence always feels so good/I’m flying/With the sound of my own rhythm/Then the wind whispers to me/You’ll have the wings of destiny/keep on soaring/and you’ll find your Edge of Heaven

In my dreams/In my dreams

Copyright © N.M.Rose Guedes 2011 (originals 2002/03)