Year 2004- Age 18-19: Identity Meltdown

A brief revisit to poetry; the mood is dark, morbid, unsettled. Following these poems I embarked on a journey into darkness, in which I eventually found my way back.

In Silence...

Tick, tick, tick

the clock minds its own business

as the room breathes softly

all is quiet, dim and sparse

except there’s one window open

and the wind blows cold

I shiver now

in silence...

Untitled Mystery

You are here, but you are not
you're gone, expired
we're far apart
but somehow you're pulling my soul
your sad cry's speaking to my heart

Every time I try to ignore

Every time I try to escape

I'm filled with your voice once again

my body wants to re-create

My tears of grief endlessly fall

as I see glimpses in the mirror

of what I am not anymore

where have you gone?

I can't endure

These questions racing through my mind

I can't shake your face from my dreams

I can't untangle, I'm entwined

with the concept of you

why, oh why

I don't know what's' happened to me

I know no longer know my own head

maybe I've simply gone crazy

the wisdom that you were is dead.

Hear Me Cry

My anger burns with mystery
my doubt rises with blame
for what I cannot touch or see
but feel with heavy shame
walking on eggshells one moment
and exploding the next
constantly longing for improvement
my life seems a mess

Wanting so bad, for approval

I feel trapped in a net

a net of fears and what ifs

and I'm growing more in debt

You see it never helps

to throw vinegar on the wound

how can I ever make you see

the piano lies un-tuned

I may not always be right

though I'm not shouting wrongs

I'm yelling and I'm screaming

for the answers I so long

The light seems so far yet so close

I feel so hard done by

for no one understands my pain

no one can hear me cry

Copyright © N.M.Rose Guedes 2011 (originals 2004)