Saturday, January 29, 2011

Year 2004- Age 18-19: Identity Meltdown

A brief revisit to poetry; the mood is dark, morbid, unsettled. Following these poems I embarked on a journey into darkness, in which I eventually found my way back.
In Silence...

Tick, tick, tick
the clock minds its own business
as the room breathes softly
all is quiet, dim and sparse
except there’s one window open
and the wind blows cold
I shiver now
in silence...

Untitled Mystery

You are here, but you are not
you're gone, expired
we're far apart
but somehow you're pulling my soul
your sad cry's speaking to my heart
Every time I try to ignore
Every time I try to escape
I'm filled with your voice once again
my body wants to re-create

My tears of grief endlessly fall
as I see glimpses in the mirror
of what I am not anymore
where have you gone?
I can't endure

These questions racing through my mind
I can't shake your face from my dreams
I can't untangle, I'm entwined
with the concept of you
why, oh why

I don't know what's' happened to me
I know no longer know my own head
maybe I've simply gone crazy
the wisdom that you were is dead.

Hear Me Cry

My anger burns with mystery
my doubt rises with blame
for what I cannot touch or see
but feel with heavy shame
walking on eggshells one moment
and exploding the next
constantly longing for improvement
my life seems a mess
Wanting so bad, for approval
I feel trapped in a net
a net of fears and what ifs
and I'm growing more in debt

You see it never helps
to throw vinegar on the wound
how can I ever make you see
the piano lies un-tuned

I may not always be right
though I'm not shouting wrongs
I'm yelling and I'm screaming
for the answers I so long

The light seems so far yet so close
I feel so hard done by
for no one understands my pain
no one can hear me cry

Copyright © N.M.Rose Guedes 2011 (originals 2004)

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